Cure for the Common Heartache
by Candaru
Summary: Regina asks Ira about the pains she's been feeling in her chest. He diagnoses them as heartache, and helpfully suggests a cure. (Jikochuu family; oneshot; no shipping; rated T for safety.)


(A/N: I feel like the title oversells the fic tbh; this is nothing but an excuse for me to write abt Regina and the bat-family she accidentally adopted herself into)

* * *

"Ow!"

Lying in a room overly saturated with pink, a tired-looking princess picked up a piece of hard candy that had been flicked at her face. With an annoyed glare, she blasted it into oblivion using an unnecessarily large jet of purple energy.

"What a waste," the boy across the room commented. He sat against the only dark-colored seat in the room, the wings behind his ears drooping lazily as he pulled another candy out of his pocket. "You're the one who's been complaining about wanting sweets for an hour."

"Well, I don't want your _peasant_ candy!" the girl exclaimed. "I want something delicate and refined, like me."

"Whatever." The bat-winged boy stretched and yawned as he popped the purple candy into his mouth. The girl studied him for a moment, with a look that somehow contained both boredom and curiosity. Finally, she spoke, the topic having nothing to do with the previous matter at hand.

"Is Bel your Papa?"

The boy almost choked on his candy.

"WHAT?!"

A woman leaned around the corner, equally as shocked.

_"What?!"_

The boy paused from his almost-dying to look up at the woman who'd turned the corner. "Mammo, why are _you_ here?"

"Because _some-_body stole my makeup kit," she huffed. _"Ira."_

"I don't need your stupid makeup kit! Why would I steal something like that?" Ira exclaimed. "Regina should be your prime suspect here!"

"Regina-_sama,_" the girl on the couch corrected, "or do I need to remind you?"

The boy and woman both backed away as the girl lifted up her spear in a threatening pose.

"D-did you steal my makeup kit or not?" Mammo retorted, attempting to save face.

"Hmph. I borrowed it, but it was useless, so I destroyed it." Regina flipped her hair gracefully over her back. Mammo's face turned a not-so-graceful red.

"You DESTROYED it?!" she practically screamed. "YOU _DESTROYED_ IT?!"

"And that's my cue to leave," Ira commented, holding up his fingers. Mammo leaned down and snatched his hand to stop the motion.

"Ira! You aren't even going to punish that brat for ruining my beautiful makeup?" She made a distasteful noise and stuck her nose in the air. "Selfish!"

"Oh, that, too," Regina noted with remembrance. Mammo and Ira cocked their heads in unison. "Mammo, are you his Mama?"

This time, Ira actually _did_ choke on the candy he was sucking. After Mammo forcefully karate-chopped his back to get it out, she turned with fury towards Regina.

"Where in the galaxy did you get THAT load of rubbish from? The Precure? I'll have you know that I am MUCH too young and beautiful to be a mother!" She scoffed and parted her bangs, as if to emphasize the point. "And I'd never produce a child as hideous and annoying as _him."_

"Hey!" Ira snapped. "As if _anyone_ would even want to be around someone as vain and preoccupied as _you._ How long do you spend on your hair in the morning, two hours?"

"Two and a HALF—" Mammo started, but she was interrupted by a blast of dark energy from Regina's spear, which she and Ira only barely managed to dodge.

"You're boring me," Regina yawned. "All I wanted to know was if Ira had a Mama or Papa, like me."

Ira blinked in surprise. "That's a little specific."

"Yeah," Mammo agreed, "what would you need to know that for?"

Regina paused a moment, then waved Mammo away. "Tch! It's none of your business. Go buy a new makeup kit or something."

_"You're_ the one who destroyed it!" Mammo exclaimed.

"Yes, and _I'm_ King Jikochuu's daughter, so…"

Regina clucked her tongue expectantly. The blue-haired woman scrunched her shoulders up and grumbled a curse under her breath. "Yes, Regina-_sama,"_ she growled sarcastically, then snapped her fingers and disappeared before the princess could retaliate.

Regina sighed and flopped back onto her couch, hugging her broken-heart pillow against her head. It was fluffy and cool, just the way she liked it.

"Why _would_ you want to know about my parents, anyway?" Ira asked, crossing his hands behind his head. "Not very selfish of you."

"Hmph." Regina closed one eye. "It _is_ selfish. I want to know if you felt any pain about Bel or Mammo like when I—"

The princess froze at Ira's bewildered stare, realizing that she'd said too much.

"Never mind, it's not important."

Ira shrugged. "Nah, you said you were in pain? Like, a headache or something?"

"It's—" Regina hesitated, but then wondered why she did. Ira was a Jikochuu like her, so he'd probably know what she was talking about, right? And he'd probably know how to fix it, right? "It's more like a chest-ache."

Perhaps out of obligation to her father, or perhaps in a moment of temporary insanity, Ira missed the opportunity to make fun of the girl and instead floated over and sat himself down by the couch.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked.

Regina pressed her index finger firmly to her chest with an uncomfortable frown. "Right here."

"Oh, so it's heartache." Ira shrugged his shoulders. Regina tilted her head with innocent, questioning eyes.

"Heartache?"

Ira nodded and made a sound of affirmation. "Mm. It's like your chest is all tight and it gets hard to breathe, right? Sometimes your face gets hot, too. That's heartache. It's no big deal, though; Mammo says even the best of us catch it sometimes. "

Regina nodded earnestly. "Yeah, yeah, that must be it! I feel it lately whenever I think about Papa… specifically, Papa's speeches about how we're going to defeat the Precure and then rule the world together." She sighed as she remembered the awful feeling of somebody squeezing her chest. "It's so bothersome. I've got to be able to think about my goal, so how am I supposed to make the pain go away?"

"That's easy," Ira replied. "Just distract yourself. That's what I do."

Perhaps feeling she desperately needed his information, or perhaps in a moment of mental abstraction, Regina entirely missed the opportunity to make fun of the boy and instead nodded thoughtfully to herself. "Distractions… like, cake and candy?"

"Can't you think about something besides sweets for one second?" Ira huffed. "I mean revenge, anger, frustration. That sort of thing. Whatever makes your dark energy grow, focus on that to distract yourself on the pain."

"Ah, that makes sense," Regina replied, still nodding. "Dark energy… I have plenty of that." Then she whacked a fist into the palm of her hand. "All right, next time I fight the Precure, that's what I'll do!"

Ira raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you felt heartache when you thought about King Jikochuu."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and when do you suppose I think about Papa the most? When I'm fighting for his kingdom, obviously." She floated herself off the couch and picked up her spear, twirling a lock of hair with her free hand. "I'm going to go down to Earth to raid some candy shops. Want to come with?"

Ira shuffled to his feet, stretching out his arms in front of him. "Sure, I've got nothing better to do."

Then the two Jikochuu snapped and disappeared in unison, completely unaware that as much as Ira could be mistaken for the child of Bel or Mammo, the more frequently-drawn conclusion by the humans was that _they—_ instead of being master and servant— were no more than squabbling siblings.

Then again, in Jikochuu standards, who but a sibling would be dumb enough to freely share a recipe of the cure for the common heartache?

* * *

(A/N: Not sure how I feel about the ending of this one, but I'd like to hear your thoughts! Any and all reviews feed my muse ^^)


End file.
